Self-Defense Through People Skills

Effectively managing conflict and confrontation can be complex, but usually involves both body language and verbal skills. Together, your body language and verbal skills can help you defuse and de-escalate potentially violent situations while you still prepare to fight back should it become necessary.

These components are not always taught in self-defense and martial art classes, but should be. These skills require knowledge, practice and rehearsal to work, just like other physical techniques that are taught. If you are not including these as part of your overall self-defense program and training, you are missing a vital aspect of training that can prevent a lot of violence and the aftermath of such violence.

So right now, make a point to include the study and practice of body language and verbal skills to defuse and de-escalate situations. Role play various potentially violent encounters to practice these skills under stress.  It’s one thing to read this and say, “oh yeah, I know all of that,” and another to actually think of the right thing to say when some huge behemoth is in your face and not only are you scared, but he’s encouraged your monkey brain to join him in the pre-fight monkey dance.

It’s cool to practice fancy kicks, throws and joint-locks. But role playing situations where you use verbal skills to resolve problems is embarrassing and people don’t want to practice. I see this in my Black Belt Communicator programs when we practice mediation and conflict resolution skills, Verbal Judo courses I’ve attended, and self-defense classes where people want to practice the “cool” stuff and not the verbal techniques.

Trust me, people skills, and that includes how you present yourself both physically and verbally, are often way more important than fighting skills when it comes to keeping yourself safe and unhurt. (Not to mention keeping you out of trouble with the law.)

Make it a point to study and practice these de-escalating skills as part of your overall self-defense training and you may be able to go home safely without every throwing a punch. Fighting without fighting, right?